5 Over the Top Beer Jokes for you

5 Over the Top Beer Jokes for you

1)So this guy walks into a bar carrying a moving box, and he says to the bartender "If I show you the coolest thing you've ever seen, will you give me a free beer?" And the bartender says, "Well, sure, but I've seen some pretty cool things in my life, so as long as it tops that, you get a free beer." So the guy puts his box ontop of the bar and opens it, and inside there's a little man playing a piano. Now the bartender says, "Woah, that's so amazing, where did you get that guy? Here's your beer" And the guy says "Well, I ran into this lamp here," and he pulls out the lamp, "and I rubbed it, and the genie gave me this" Now the bartender is so amazed and he says "Dude, can I try it?" And the guy lets him, and the bartender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out and gives him the three wishes schpiel and the bartender says "Okay, I wish for a million bucks" And right away, a million ducks appear in the bar, and through the ducks, the bartender says "You didnt tell me this genie was hard of hearing!" and the guy takes a sip of his beer and says "Yeah, I didn't wish for a ten inch pianist either."

---

2)An Irishman, And Englishman and a Scot are in a bar when a fly lands in each of their beers. The Englishman, disgusted, pushes the beer away and demands a new one. The Scot, picks the fly out and keeps drinking. The Irishman grabs the fly, sqeezes it, and shouts, "Spit it out you little bastard!"

---

3) A man walks into a pub in ireland and orders three pints of guiness. The bartender gives them to him and the man walks to the back of the bar and sips on each of them. When he is finished the man walks up and orders three more. This time the bartender asks why he doesn't just order one at a time. The man explains that he has a brother in the US and in Australia and when they left home they agreed to each drink like this to remember when they used to get boozed up together. The bartender agrees this is a nice custom and pours three more pints. The man returns to the bar night after night and soon becomes a regular. One night he goes up to the bar and only orders two pints. All of the other regulars and the bartender stop drinking and express their concern for his loss. The man then explains "oh no, everyone's fine I just quit drinking!"

Copy the code below to use the image from this page on your website, blog, Myspace profile or eBay auction.

<a href="http://www.coolest-gadgets.com/search/talkin+beer"><img src="http://www.coolest-gadgets.com/wp-content/uploads/talking-beer-glass.jpg" alt="'talking-beer-glass.jpg'" border="0" /></a>

---

4) An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye, and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live." O'Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. O'Malley said, "Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer, and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints." After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad. I though you said that you were dying from cancer??? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" O'Malley said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."

5) One day a drunk man told the bartender, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender grinned and said, "Okay, you drunk." The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it. After more drinks the drunk said, "I bet you $200 I can bite my left eye." The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, "Okay." The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye. The bartender, by now was really mad. After a few more drinks, the drunk said, "I'll bet you $500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar." The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay. The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won $500. In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why. The man replied, "That drunk fool bet me $1000 that he can pee on your bar and you would be happy about it!"

6) A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything that you want." The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a test and it is the best vodka that he has ever tasted. The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly." She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, that it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka that she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night. The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up. Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian tells his wife to grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka. She gets the glass but asks him "Boris, why do we only need one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle."

beer brewers latest problem - microbrews killing King of Beers

Will microbrews kill the King of Beers?

As consumers have shifted from light to so-called craft beers, jumbo brewers have been on the defensive. Now Anheuser-Busch is fending off a takeover bid, and Miller and Coors are joining forces to survive.

By Joseph Tirella, MSN Money

If Robin Ottaway, sales manager and co-owner of the Brooklyn Brewery, wants to know how popular his company's beer is, he need only check his e-mail. In his inbox last month were requests from interested parties in Costa Rica, Panama and India asking how to get Brooklyn's brews (already sold in China, Turkey and Finland, among other countries).

"Just people inquiring about our beer," he says. "We have a pretty well-established international market."

Co-founder on success of Brooklyn Brewery

Indie "craft" beer makers such as Brooklyn Brewery are where the action is these days. American craft brewers are small (producing fewer than 2 million barrels annually), independent (not controlled by an industrial brewery such as Anheuser-Busch) and traditional (using at least 50% all-malt ingredients in their beers). And their success is striking fear into the mass-market brewers who dominate the $97 billion U.S. beer industry.

How beer is made at the Brooklyn Brewery

Although craft beers account for only $5.7 billion of the industry, they have seen a 58% increase in dollar sales since 2004, according to the Brewers Association in Boulder, Colo. Last year, while imported and noncraft beer both experienced a growth rate of 1.4% in volume, craft beer enjoyed a 12% growth rate in volume, according to the Brewers Association.

The shift in consumer tastes -- along with a commodities boom that has put pressure on profits throughout the beer industry -- has put the jumbo players on the defensive. The industry's No. 2 and 3 players, SABMiller (SBMRY, news, msgs) and Molson Coors (TAP, news, msgs), respectively, are merging their operations in the U.S. and Puerto Rico. Their new company – MillerCoors – is expected to go into effect in July and will have a combined market share of nearly 30%.

And the nation's self-titled King of Beers, Anheuser-Busch (BUD, news, msgs), has been dogged by the possible takeover by Belgian global powerhouse InBev.

Click here for more on the possible takeover.

Craft beers are nothing new to Anheuser-Busch: For the past decade, the company has been buying its way into the sector with minority stakes in producers such Redhook Ale Brewery (HOOK, news, msgs) in Seattle and Widmer Bros. in Portland, Ore.

Who really owns your favorite beer?

Anheuser-Busch has also been revamping its Michelob line, which includes flavors such as Honey Lager, Amberbock and Marzen, an Oktoberfest-style beer. Several of Michelob's brews have been winning awards at both the Great American Beer Festival and the World Beer Cup.

But the craft sector has proved particularly thorny for Anheuser-Busch since April 2007, when its second-

Continued from page 1

largest American distributor, Ben E. Keith Beverages of Texas, broke an exclusivity deal with the brewer after taking over the Texas operations of C.R. Goodman Distribution, a Colorado-based network that specializes in craft and import beers.

"We saw a great need to expand our portfolio into the craft and import segments," Kevin Bartholomew, the president of Ben E. Keith, which has been carrying Anheuser-Busch beverages since 1933, said in an e-mail. "This segment has been growing in mid-single to double digits, although at a lower base, for at least 10 years."

Ben E. Keith now carries more than 60 brands of craft and import brands, including Belgium's Duvel and Chimay as well as Brooklyn and Delaware's Dogfish Head. The distributor has seen greater than 12% growth in the category since January, Bartholomew said.

The Ben E. Keith move was "a jailbreak," with serious implications for Anheuser-Busch, said Bump Williams, the general manager of Chicago market research firm Information Resources. "If (Ben E. Keith) is breaking their exclusivity," he said, "then everyone else is going to be breaking it."

If one major brewer has an edge with craft-beer consumers it might be Molson Coors, which has created its own successful craft-style beer.

The company sent brewer Keith Villa to Belgium, which has a far more varied beer tradition, to earn a doctorate in brewing chemistry at the University of Brussels. When Villa returned to the U.S., he created Blue Moon Belgian White Ale, which looks, tastes and is marketed like a craft beer but is mass-produced -- a detail the Colorado company isn't going out of its way to promote.

Initially, drinkers were skeptical. "People said, 'There's something wrong with my beer -- it's cloudy,'" said Villa. But once they tasted it, he said, "we couldn't brew enough of it."

Even without national advertising, Blue Moon has seen double-digit growth since 2002, according to a spokesperson. In April, it was named the No. 1 beer in U.S. supermarkets for 2007, according to IRI's Top 30 Beer Brand Performers (which featured 20 craft and imported brands among its ranks). "This beer is on fire," said Williams, of Information Resources.

Williams says the major brewers seem to be taking the right steps to adapt to the changing beer market. "When you're as big as these three companies, you're not going to see the double-digit growth like in the craft beer market," Williams says. "But all three (Anheuser-Busch, SABMiller and Molson Coors) are doing the right things to capitalize on that part of the beer industry."

As the tectonic plates of the U.S. industry shift, some smaller brewers -- Boston Beer (SAM, news, msgs),

Continued from page 2

Heineken U.S.A. (HINKF, news, msgs) or D.G. Yuengling & Son, a regional brewer in Pottsville, Pa., that bills itself as America's oldest brewery -- might find themselves in a position to grow their market shares. "They're under the radar of the big brewers," Williams says. "But people are watching them." Still, he adds, until the St. Louis brewery is dethroned, Anheuser-Busch remains king. "They're still the one to beat."

A 'lunatic fringe' beer

That might sound like bad news for most smaller brewers, but not to Tom Peters, co-owner of Philadelphia's Monk's Café. Peters pours only Belgian, German or American craft beers.

See the variety of beers at Monk's Cafe

"The big boys are opening the market," says Peters, one of the first people to sell Belgian beer in the U.S. "What Coors and Anheuser-Busch are doing is growing the market share, and that's going to trickle down to smaller brewers."

Monk's owner on the beer industry

From Peters' vantage point, Blue Moon is "a gateway beer or an introductory beer to Belgian beer and other craft beers."

And craft brewers, certainly, will drink to that.

Published June 20, 2008

largest American distributor, Ben E. Keith Beverages of Texas, broke an exclusivity deal with the brewer after taking over the Texas operations of C.R. Goodman Distribution, a Colorado-based network that specializes in craft and import beers.

"We saw a great need to expand our portfolio into the craft and import segments," Kevin Bartholomew, the president of Ben E. Keith, which has been carrying Anheuser-Busch beverages since 1933, said in an e-mail. "This segment has been growing in mid-single to double digits, although at a lower base, for at least 10 years."

Ben E. Keith now carries more than 60 brands of craft and import brands, including Belgium's Duvel and Chimay as well as Brooklyn and Delaware's Dogfish Head. The distributor has seen greater than 12% growth in the category since January, Bartholomew said.

The Ben E. Keith move was "a jailbreak," with serious implications for Anheuser-Busch, said Bump Williams, the general manager of Chicago market research firm Information Resources. "If (Ben E. Keith) is breaking their exclusivity," he said, "then everyone else is going to be breaking it."

If one major brewer has an edge with craft-beer consumers it might be Molson Coors, which has created its own successful craft-style beer.

The company sent brewer Keith Villa to Belgium, which has a far more varied beer tradition, to earn a doctorate in brewing chemistry at the University of Brussels. When Villa returned to the U.S., he created Blue Moon Belgian White Ale, which looks, tastes and is marketed like a craft beer but is mass-produced -- a detail the Colorado company isn't going out of its way to promote.

Initially, drinkers were skeptical. "People said, 'There's something wrong with my beer -- it's cloudy,'" said Villa. But once they tasted it, he said, "we couldn't brew enough of it."

Even without national advertising, Blue Moon has seen double-digit growth since 2002, according to a spokesperson. In April, it was named the No. 1 beer in U.S. supermarkets for 2007, according to IRI's Top 30 Beer Brand Performers (which featured 20 craft and imported brands among its ranks). "This beer is on fire," said Williams, of Information Resources.

Williams says the major brewers seem to be taking the right steps to adapt to the changing beer market. "When you're as big as these three companies, you're not going to see the double-digit growth like in the craft beer market," Williams says. "But all three (Anheuser-Busch, SABMiller and Molson Coors) are doing the right things to capitalize on that part of the beer industry."

As the tectonic plates of the U.S. industry shift, some smaller brewers -- Boston Beer (SAM, news, msgs),

Heineken U.S.A. (HINKF, news, msgs) or D.G. Yuengling & Son, a regional brewer in Pottsville, Pa., that bills itself as America's oldest brewery -- might find themselves in a position to grow their market shares. "They're under the radar of the big brewers," Williams says. "But people are watching them." Still, he adds, until the St. Louis brewery is dethroned, Anheuser-Busch remains king. "They're still the one to beat."

A 'lunatic fringe' beer

That might sound like bad news for most smaller brewers, but not to Tom Peters, co-owner of Philadelphia's Monk's Café. Peters pours only Belgian, German or American craft beers.

See the variety of beers at Monk's Cafe

"The big boys are opening the market," says Peters, one of the first people to sell Belgian beer in the U.S. "What Coors and Anheuser-Busch are doing is growing the market share, and that's going to trickle down to smaller brewers."

Monk's owner on the beer industry

From Peters' vantage point, Blue Moon is "a gateway beer or an introductory beer to Belgian beer and other craft beers."

And craft brewers, certainly, will drink to that.

Continued from page 2

Heineken U.S.A. (HINKF, news, msgs) or D.G. Yuengling & Son, a regional brewer in Pottsville, Pa., that bills itself as America's oldest brewery -- might find themselves in a position to grow their market shares. "They're under the radar of the big brewers," Williams says. "But people are watching them." Still, he adds, until the St. Louis brewery is dethroned, Anheuser-Busch remains king. "They're still the one to beat."

A 'lunatic fringe' beer

That might sound like bad news for most smaller brewers, but not to Tom Peters, co-owner of Philadelphia's Monk's Café. Peters pours only Belgian, German or American craft beers.

See the variety of beers at Monk's Cafe

"The big boys are opening the market," says Peters, one of the first people to sell Belgian beer in the U.S. "What Coors and Anheuser-Busch are doing is growing the market share, and that's going to trickle down to smaller brewers."

Monk's owner on the beer industry

From Peters' vantage point, Blue Moon is "a gateway beer or an introductory beer to Belgian beer and other craft beers."

And craft brewers, certainly, will drink to that.

Published June 20, 2008