Friday, December 5, 2008

Alcoholism and it's stages

You start out drinking like everyone else.

Later you find yourself to be the last one at the party, or drinking before you go out for the night. There are alcohol related incidents.

Your family starts to complain about your drinking. Then your friends start noticing and mentioning that you seem to be drinking too much. Your friends mean a lot to you. You don't want them thinking you are some kind of loser, and you resent your family's remarks and criticism about you drinking too much. So you start hiding your drinking.

You start drinking alone so no one really knows how much and how often you drink.

At first you still talk to everyone on the phone while you are drinking alone so you still feel connected. That is until you realize the conversation is degenerating on your end and everyone still knows you are drinking too much. So you stop answering the phone when you are under the influence.

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Every spare moment you can, you drink. Now you are drinking alone the majority of the time. You start to develop a relationship with alcohol. It has become kind of a friend. It eases tensions, helps you cope with unpleasant or upsetting situations, and not only can you count on it to be there, you know exactly what to expect as you drink, because the feeling and outcome is predictable. There's a certain amount of comfort in that predictability. So you come to depend on alcohol as a cushion and a kind of insulation from the unpleasantries and sometimes pain of life.

You will do most anything to protect your drinking. You want to be sure it is not threatened in any way because you want to continue to drink, which by now has become a daily ritual.

When you feel lonely because drinking has isolated you from other people in your life, you will notice that when you get drunk yet again, those feelings of loneliness are amplified. They get bigger. You wish there was someone around to keep you company while you are drinking. But there are no takers.

So you drink alone.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

5 Over the Top Beer Jokes for you

5 Over the Top Beer Jokes for you



1)So this guy walks into a bar carrying a moving box, and he says to the bartender "If I show you the coolest thing you've ever seen, will you give me a free beer?" And the bartender says, "Well, sure, but I've seen some pretty cool things in my life, so as long as it tops that, you get a free beer." So the guy puts his box ontop of the bar and opens it, and inside there's a little man playing a piano. Now the bartender says, "Woah, that's so amazing, where did you get that guy? Here's your beer" And the guy says "Well, I ran into this lamp here," and he pulls out the lamp, "and I rubbed it, and the genie gave me this" Now the bartender is so amazed and he says "Dude, can I try it?" And the guy lets him, and the bartender rubs the lamp and the genie pops out and gives him the three wishes schpiel and the bartender says "Okay, I wish for a million bucks" And right away, a million ducks appear in the bar, and through the ducks, the bartender says "You didnt tell me this genie was hard of hearing!" and the guy takes a sip of his beer and says "Yeah, I didn't wish for a ten inch pianist either."



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2)An Irishman, And Englishman and a Scot are in a bar when a fly lands in each of their beers. The Englishman, disgusted, pushes the beer away and demands a new one. The Scot, picks the fly out and keeps drinking. The Irishman grabs the fly, sqeezes it, and shouts, "Spit it out you little bastard!"



3) A man walks into a pub in ireland and orders three pints of guiness. The bartender gives them to him and the man walks to the back of the bar and sips on each of them. When he is finished the man walks up and orders three more. This time the bartender asks why he doesn't just order one at a time. The man explains that he has a brother in the US and in Australia and when they left home they agreed to each drink like this to remember when they used to get boozed up together. The bartender agrees this is a nice custom and pours three more pints. The man returns to the bar night after night and soon becomes a regular. One night he goes up to the bar and only orders two pints. All of the other regulars and the bartender stop drinking and express their concern for his loss. The man then explains "oh no, everyone's fine I just quit drinking!"

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4) An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye, and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live." O'Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. O'Malley said, "Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer, and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints." After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad. I though you said that you were dying from cancer??? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" O'Malley said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."

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5) One day a drunk man told the bartender, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender grinned and said, "Okay, you drunk." The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it. After more drinks the drunk said, "I bet you $200 I can bite my left eye." The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, "Okay." The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye. The bartender, by now was really mad. After a few more drinks, the drunk said, "I'll bet you $500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar." The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay. The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won $500. In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why. The man replied, "That drunk fool bet me $1000 that he can pee on your bar and you would be happy about it!"

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6) A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything that you want." The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He looks at the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a test and it is the best vodka that he has ever tasted. The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly." She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, that it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka that she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night. The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up. Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian tells his wife to grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka. She gets the glass but asks him "Boris, why do we only need one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle."

 

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